ARIZONA SUN

ARIZONA SUN

As I look out yonder at that Arizona sun

A time of happiness flashes back in my mind

Camping, fishing, swimming and CAMP

With some of the best cousins you'll find

I grew up in the pines, a smell I will never forget

The wind blowing through those majestic trees

A time spent with grandparents, family and friends

Some of the most beautiful of Gods Country you will ever see

I was taught by them to respect the land

To only take whatever you need

The memories made in that beautiful place

Makes that land more special to me

When grandma took us down to Willow Creek

Where the water was so fresh and clear

Or when we loaded up the truck for a picnic

And we would see a large group of deer

The sound of the screen door slamming

When Granddad walked through the door

I swear every time he kissed my grandma

She fell in love with him even more

The smells that came through that kitchen

Our bellies never empty or wanting more

She would feed everyone that walked in that house

You never left hungry when you walked out that door

That big ole bath tub with the four claw feet

I loved when it was time to get in and play

We got a good scrub down from our head to our toes

The remnants washed off from another fun day

The Juicy Fruit gum and cinnamon discs always in the cupboard

Or in the pocket of granddads shirt

There was always a sweet treat to be found

When granddad walked in that's what we wanted first

The large back bedroom where we all slept

The stories told, the monsters under the bed

The peaceful feeling of LOVE and HOME

Was something we all shared

Whether you were born first or last, we were all treated the same

The most loving grandparents, sweet and fun

The feeling of HOME every time I go back

To that gorgeous ARIZONA SUN





kt 08/28/19

One Day

 

 

I am still trying to figure out who I am and what direction I am meant to go.

This says it all.

Enough Said.

I Fear Myself

 

 

Sitting here in this moment of quiet and calm

The sun shining down on my face

Thinking of the beauty all around me

Wishing I was not "in this place"

 

My mind full of chaos and fear

The memories continuing to flow

My head racing along with my heart

I just long for a moment of slow

 

I keep telling myself that "I am OK"

A smile on my face wherever I go

Wishing it was real and not so hard

To take this pain and just let it flow

My courage and shine were taken that day

My pride and direction went too

My dreams full of anger, fear and hate

My ruby red heart now bleeds blue

 

Fearing those days when I feel myself slip

Not trusting what my mind will do

It goes to the darkest places

Telling me its time to be through

 

I FEAR MYSELF





A PROMISE FROM FOREVER

These pics were taken last month. I am absolutely in love with the way the pics turned out and this guy right here. I cannot even begin to express the love that I have for him and the love and support he has given me the last 14 years. However the last year in particular. I know that we don't always see eye to eye and he seriously drives me absolutely crazy with his laid back attitude. I love it that as I listened to some conference talks this morning there was a talk by Elder Matthew L. Carpenter titled "Wilt Thou Be Made Whole" (Oct 2018)
In this talk he talked about our bodies being completely healed in the Resurrection. I know this man of mine will be so happy to have his leg back. We have talked several times that if this accident he was involved in had not happened, then our paths may have never crossed. He was involved in some trouble before he got his life together and went on a mission. Several of his friends and family were in gangs and did something terrible. Most ended up getting deported. He could have been a part of that. When he lost his leg at a young age the Shriner's sponsored him to come to the states and they took care of him and his needs until he was 18. Had that not of happened he may of never had the opportunity to come to the states. It's just a whole list of "what if's" and I know in my heart that in order for Heavenly Father to bring us together, part of Lipe's path was to lose that leg.
i am truly thankful for being blessed with a man that is true to his priesthood and can lay hands on his families head when we are in need of a priesthood blessing. I am thankful for his love and support. He is a great dad and I love watching him watch Ana grow and develop into the amazing young woman that she is. I see the "awe" in his eyes as he realizes what an amazing gift we received.
I know that this journey that we are on as an eternal couple has bumps in the road. There are times that we argue about going left or right on this path in front of us. There have been flat tires and detours and some engine trouble, but as long as we continue to do our best to stay on the path then I know it will all be worth it in the end.
"I will choose to find Joy in the Journey that God has set before me" <3 p="">

Ga Ga

Last night I could not stop watching the Oscar Video that Lady Ga Ga and Bradley  Cooper performed from their movie “A Start is Born”! I have never been a big Ga Ga fan however I have observed that her platform involves talking about coming out and being “comfortable “ in ones own skin and knowing and LOVING who they are. I have always “heard” her words but honestly never really “felt” that about her. I knew she was a strong lady with her boldness in her outfits and crazy hair styles! Her dress of fresh “meat” was always one to remember. It wasn’t until I saw the movie , that I truly believe Bradley Cooper was inspired to cast her into. I believe her life was very similar to the role that she played. She KNEW in her heart that she had an amazing voice but also knew that the way “society” was she felt her own looks, her own God Given beautiful face, would “hold her back”, so her “character” was created!
I believe the movie was a way that we were actually able to meet Stephanie. A woman that just as us all have been given MANY talents. Maybe we’re not all blessed with a beautiful voice and amazing body as she is, but we have been blessed. How many times do we find ourself trying to “mask” who we are with other layers, to feel as though people will “like us better”, “want to be around us more” or feel like that role “defines” who we are! Last night I didn’t see Lady Ga Ga sitting in that stage in a gorgeous dress that highlighted her beautiful healthy body and face, I saw Stephanie sitting there. I saw her being led to the stage not only by a talented handsome man but by someone she genuinely cared for. Someone who brought out her best in her and believed in her. I saw them lock eyes in what millions of people claim and are chastising her that “she crossed a line” by her looks of “admiration”, “faith” and “pure love” for the one man that truly brought out her VERY BEST.. A look that I wholeheartedly do NOT believe was anything sexual, it “didn’t cross the line” in my eyes! It was that look of pure love that is given when our hearts are completely open and vulnerable and we truly have that moment where we look up and say “I get it!” I get that I can take five minutes on my own stage of life and share my talents with everyone who is watching and feel my very best about myself and appreciate and LOVE who I AM!! Who I have become! And I can gaze with admiration at the one who brought that out in me and gave me the confidence to be my very best self. Those last few notes with that person next to me reminding me who I am and what I can accomplish, with his strength there to continue to uplift me and give me strength and as the song comes to an end and the music stops and that one last moment when we slowly open our eyes and look up with admiration to that one that brought out our best. We  glance up and smile. A smile and a feeling of “love” is exchanged! However in this case the feeling of love is not the “romantic” love in the sense that most believe! It’s a self love of knowing where she started and where she was then and there at that moment! The only kind of love we can have with our own true “director” and “co-star”, who created us in his own likeness. That created each one of us for our own “starting” role, in which it’s his very best work! It’s his goal and intent to do it with an Oscar in mind! He would not put us out there on that stage to NOT do his very best work. In the end, when we open our eyes and look up with admiration to the one that “created” us, cast us, directed up and then stayed on that stage with us giving us the confidence to stand up and be who we are, he will continue to ALWAYS be there.

Dad Song

Daddy why did you go so soon, I wasn't ready yet
Each day I think of you trying hard not to forget
All the times you took my hand a lesson to be learned
Now I have children of my own, and each day for you I yearn

CHORUS:
Please Heavenly Father, can you open heavens doors today
and let my daddy hear all the things I need to say
Can you let him reach down here and take me by the hand
I need his love right now, I need to understand

When I walk outside the door, my eyes look up to the sky
Wishing you were here right now standing by my side
So much to tell you dad, so much I need to say
What I wouldn't give to have you here for just another day
(CHORUS)

As I get on my knees and thank thee for the blessings I have
I will always remember to thank you, for giving me my dad
For the blessings you have given me and my family
But most of all dear lord, my dad for eterny
(CHORUS)

Whither the storm

I realize that we grow from things and experiences that happen to us. There are going to be times we have to wither the storms of life. Those storms have to happen in order for growth. Just as a beautiful flower blooms in the spring, without the storms it would not grow. Although it's tough to get caught up in the storm, there is cleanliness and new beginnings when it's all over. There is a sense of freshness, and freedom. There is growth. Sometimes it's hard to see, and all you see ahead of you is continued darkness, but when you finally do see the light, you see yourself in a new light and finally understand the lesson. Perhaps the lesson is for you to experience a trial, so that in the future you may help someone else going through that trial. Through our storms, I have found that there is usually some type of teaching opportunity. By choosing courage, humor and the grace of god, we realize that we did not wither that storm alone. We were protected and he was there when we asked. Just as we teach children how to do things on their own, and it's not always easy to sit back and watch, our heavenly father is sitting back watching us learn, but just as we are there for our children if they need that extra hand, he extends his hand as well.

UT Rocks!!

December 9, 2018

This girl makes me proud EVERY DAY..Go Cougars!!

Shattered

I am struggling this week. Just trying to figure out when I will have some peace. I know it’s going to take some time to heal. I also know I can’t do it alone. I fell into a deep depression earlier this week. I don’t know what triggered it, but I couldn’t function and literally my body did not want to work. I am not really sure how I got out of it, and I am not really there, however I have been able to get up the last couple of days and go to work. This is so real. I was trained to recognize when people are at that stage in their life when they are contemplating taking their life. How it feels to want to “check out”. What does that even mean? I recognize those feelings of wanting to just go away and be alone. Not having any responsibility. What he did to me hurts. It’s scary and painful at the same time. It’s broken trust and lack of support. It’s judgement and people looking at me differently. It’s tears and silent suffering. It’s missing out on my family and life. It’s the little things like snuggling my husband and being intimate. It’s rolling over in bed when I know he is longing for me. He needs me to be there for him, but I just can’t right now. It’s the pain at work seeing that office and pain seeing the car. It’s the lack of validation from people that should know me and fight for me. It’s real!!

Dear ______,
I sit here broken and shattered, wondering when it will all go away I don’t know how you are functioning, how do you spend your day?
Mine is filled with sorrow and pain, darkness is all I see,
The dagger that pierced my heart and soul left a hole that forever will be.
I wake each morning and can’t get out of bed
The pain is just too much to bear
I try to get you out of my head
remembering that moment you ran your fingers through my hair
I needed to shower and get you off of my skin
Close my ears to you saying how much you care
I closed up tight not wanting to be around you
Even cutting off all of my hair
Because of you my life will not be the same
My marriage and family struggle each day
My eyes are clouded with darkness

I just want it all to go away #kt011819 #metoo #youstolemysoul