I am struggling this week. Just trying to figure out when I will have some peace. I know it’s going to take some time to heal. I also know I can’t do it alone. I fell into a deep depression earlier this week. I don’t know what triggered it, but I couldn’t function and literally my body did not want to work. I am not really sure how I got out of it, and I am not really there, however I have been able to get up the last couple of days and go to work. This is so real. I was trained to recognize when people are at that stage in their life when they are contemplating taking their life. How it feels to want to “check out”. What does that even mean? I recognize those feelings of wanting to just go away and be alone. Not having any responsibility. What he did to me hurts. It’s scary and painful at the same time. It’s broken trust and lack of support. It’s judgement and people looking at me differently. It’s tears and silent suffering. It’s missing out on my family and life. It’s the little things like snuggling my husband and being intimate. It’s rolling over in bed when I know he is longing for me. He needs me to be there for him, but I just can’t right now. It’s the pain at work seeing that office and pain seeing the car. It’s the lack of validation from people that should know me and fight for me. It’s real!!
Dear ______,
I sit here broken and shattered, wondering when it will all go away I don’t know how you are functioning, how do you spend your day?
Mine is filled with sorrow and pain, darkness is all I see,
The dagger that pierced my heart and soul left a hole that forever will be.
I wake each morning and can’t get out of bed
The pain is just too much to bear
I try to get you out of my head
remembering that moment you ran your fingers through my hair
I needed to shower and get you off of my skin
Close my ears to you saying how much you care
I closed up tight not wanting to be around you
Even cutting off all of my hair
Because of you my life will not be the same
My marriage and family struggle each day
My eyes are clouded with darkness
I sit here broken and shattered, wondering when it will all go away I don’t know how you are functioning, how do you spend your day?
Mine is filled with sorrow and pain, darkness is all I see,
The dagger that pierced my heart and soul left a hole that forever will be.
I wake each morning and can’t get out of bed
The pain is just too much to bear
I try to get you out of my head
remembering that moment you ran your fingers through my hair
I needed to shower and get you off of my skin
Close my ears to you saying how much you care
I closed up tight not wanting to be around you
Even cutting off all of my hair
Because of you my life will not be the same
My marriage and family struggle each day
My eyes are clouded with darkness
I just want it all to go away #kt011819 #metoo #youstolemysoul
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