Dad Song

Daddy why did you go so soon, I wasn't ready yet
Each day I think of you trying hard not to forget
All the times you took my hand a lesson to be learned
Now I have children of my own, and each day for you I yearn

CHORUS:
Please Heavenly Father, can you open heavens doors today
and let my daddy hear all the things I need to say
Can you let him reach down here and take me by the hand
I need his love right now, I need to understand

When I walk outside the door, my eyes look up to the sky
Wishing you were here right now standing by my side
So much to tell you dad, so much I need to say
What I wouldn't give to have you here for just another day
(CHORUS)

As I get on my knees and thank thee for the blessings I have
I will always remember to thank you, for giving me my dad
For the blessings you have given me and my family
But most of all dear lord, my dad for eterny
(CHORUS)

Whither the storm

I realize that we grow from things and experiences that happen to us. There are going to be times we have to wither the storms of life. Those storms have to happen in order for growth. Just as a beautiful flower blooms in the spring, without the storms it would not grow. Although it's tough to get caught up in the storm, there is cleanliness and new beginnings when it's all over. There is a sense of freshness, and freedom. There is growth. Sometimes it's hard to see, and all you see ahead of you is continued darkness, but when you finally do see the light, you see yourself in a new light and finally understand the lesson. Perhaps the lesson is for you to experience a trial, so that in the future you may help someone else going through that trial. Through our storms, I have found that there is usually some type of teaching opportunity. By choosing courage, humor and the grace of god, we realize that we did not wither that storm alone. We were protected and he was there when we asked. Just as we teach children how to do things on their own, and it's not always easy to sit back and watch, our heavenly father is sitting back watching us learn, but just as we are there for our children if they need that extra hand, he extends his hand as well.

UT Rocks!!

December 9, 2018

This girl makes me proud EVERY DAY..Go Cougars!!

Shattered

I am struggling this week. Just trying to figure out when I will have some peace. I know it’s going to take some time to heal. I also know I can’t do it alone. I fell into a deep depression earlier this week. I don’t know what triggered it, but I couldn’t function and literally my body did not want to work. I am not really sure how I got out of it, and I am not really there, however I have been able to get up the last couple of days and go to work. This is so real. I was trained to recognize when people are at that stage in their life when they are contemplating taking their life. How it feels to want to “check out”. What does that even mean? I recognize those feelings of wanting to just go away and be alone. Not having any responsibility. What he did to me hurts. It’s scary and painful at the same time. It’s broken trust and lack of support. It’s judgement and people looking at me differently. It’s tears and silent suffering. It’s missing out on my family and life. It’s the little things like snuggling my husband and being intimate. It’s rolling over in bed when I know he is longing for me. He needs me to be there for him, but I just can’t right now. It’s the pain at work seeing that office and pain seeing the car. It’s the lack of validation from people that should know me and fight for me. It’s real!!

Dear ______,
I sit here broken and shattered, wondering when it will all go away I don’t know how you are functioning, how do you spend your day?
Mine is filled with sorrow and pain, darkness is all I see,
The dagger that pierced my heart and soul left a hole that forever will be.
I wake each morning and can’t get out of bed
The pain is just too much to bear
I try to get you out of my head
remembering that moment you ran your fingers through my hair
I needed to shower and get you off of my skin
Close my ears to you saying how much you care
I closed up tight not wanting to be around you
Even cutting off all of my hair
Because of you my life will not be the same
My marriage and family struggle each day
My eyes are clouded with darkness

I just want it all to go away #kt011819 #metoo #youstolemysoul